The Name Game'Nice to See You... Uh... Err... Hmm.' Jobseekers cannot afford to be bad with names. Here's how to improve your recall. Dawn Klingensmith |
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 [ 2009-10-18 ] |
He's wearing a polka dot tie - the same one he wore at the last convention. The time before that, his tie was blue with pinstripes. He uses the word "super" a lot. His kid went to college on a rugby scholarship.
All this trivia floats to the surface of your memory. You could practically write this guy's autobiography, except for one pesky little detail. His name. Try as you might, you cannot remember his name. And knowing names is essential in networking.
Oh no! Here he comes!
There are several ways to handle this situation. When he's near enough, promptly greet him with a handshake and your name. He'll probably respond in kind, stating his name as he pumps your hand, says Dallas Teague-Snider, author, "Professionally Polished" (Tendril Press, 2009).
Instead, he starts talking from five feet away about how "super" it is to see you again. You can't bridge the distance with a handshake, and when he's close enough, you've already panicked and asked about his kid.
"Oh, John's doing super," he says.
So now you've got the kid's name but not his.
Own up to your forgetfulness. Simply say, "I know we've met on several occasions. I should know this, but please tell me your name again." That takes care of John's dad, whose name - he reminds you - is Jim.
Then, along comes a woman you've met only once and know nothing about. Try the handshake trick, and if that doesn't work, say "I'm pleased to see you. I recognize your face, but your name escapes me."
This way, you assure her she's memorable. "You just need some help connecting the dots," Teague-Snider says.
Of course, it's best to remember names in the first place. The most common strategy is to repeat a person's name as soon as you're introduced. Then, throughout the conversation, say the person's name two or three times and again upon parting.
"If they have a nametag, focus back and forth a few times from their name to their face," Teague-Snider says.
Later, jot down identifying characteristics on the back of each person's business card.
A simple association technique works for Don Gabor, author of "Turn Small Talk into Big Deals" (McGraw-Hill, 2009). "I think of someone I know with the same name - a movie star, relative, neighbor or an old classmate - and I always use that same association," he says. "For example, when I meet someone named John, I always think of my brother-in-law, John. The two people don't have to look anything alike or be similar in any way."
Joseph Cilona, a New York psychologist, recommends rather intense eye contact. Researchers at the University of Barcelona found evidence that the eyes are the most influential feature in helping the brain remember faces, followed by the nose and mouth, he says. So maintain eye contact as much as possible. For added focus, note at least two colors you see in their irises, Cilona says.
Ron White offers advice that sounds absurd, but since he's the 2009 USA Memory Champion, there must be something to it.
First, create a mental database of pictures associated with first names. Steve becomes a stove, Karen becomes a carrot and Michael morphs into a microphone.
When you meet someone, zero in on a facial feature that stands out, like big ears, a distinctive nose, thick lips or a beard.
Then, "mentally glue the picture from your database to the outstanding feature on their face," White says.
So Karen's distinctive nose now has a carrot sprouting from it. It's a vivid image you can file away in your mind, White says.
When you see Karen again, "Don't ask yourself, 'What is her name?' Ask yourself, 'What is her file?'" White says.
Your mind will recall a nose and the carrot you imagined growing out of one nostril, and if you aren't doubled over with laughter, you can say, "Nice to see you again, Karen."
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